It’s all Eurogamer’s fault, really. One minute they’re printing a dewy-eyed retrospective on the Gamecube Animal Crossing – I’d call it “the original one” but I’d be bludgeoned to death by otaku and their specially-sharpened N64 carts – and the next I, having airily admitted that I’d never played the original beyond the first five minutes, was being pressured into a nostalgic group re-visitation.

Bugger. After waxing lyrical about the world-shaping joy of Minecraft I can’t very well back out of this now. What I CAN do is blog my child-like wonder (or, as the case may be,
grumpy ineptitude) at my attempt to blend in with a town of talking animals and their raccoon overlord.

Will the original charm me with its joy and whimsy? Will I get horribly confused and start trying to build creeper defences out of NES carts? Only one way to find out – in goes the disc. I can’t even remember where I bought this, let alone why I didn’t play it…And, since Animal Crossing takes place in real-time, I suppose I should timestamp these entries:

20:37 – Going to the loo and then getting a drink. Not the most exciting start to my dominance of the animal kingdom, but every empire has humble origins. Just be grateful
this isn’t Youtube.

20:43 – And we’re off. A very cute “Nintendo!” to start us off. And now what sounds like a
ticking clock, reminding us all that time is fleeting and death is inevitable. Oh, wait, some piano’s kicked in to make it better.

20:45 – I don’t know who this guitar dog is, but if you pause on a page of his text he starts
playing along to the intro music. Perhaps we can be friends.

20:47 – This train is disturbingly similar to the one from Gregory Horror Show. And who
names a cat “Rover”, anyway?

20:51 – I’m Chris from Twycross. And Rover thinks that’s hilarious.

20:54 – Rover’s hooked me up with some guy named Nook. Thinks he can help me find a place to stay. I’m wondering if I should tell him about the three body bags back down
the railroad behind me… naaah, that’s another train journey.

20:56 – Oh god, I’ve got HORNS. This is like ICO all over again.

21:01 – After dragging Nook quite literally all around the houses, I settled on the one with
a wooden floor. Better insulation – this is not the first time I’ve suffered rented
accommodation, you big-tailed hustler!

21:13 – Nook Is not very happy that I took this long to get to his shop. Still, I met a frog
named Tad who seems to like fruits, and a grumpy pig named Chow who I imagine
will warm up if I buy him alcohol. This is like Harvest Moon, right?

21:15 – Oh, apparently he was only joking. God, raccoons are dicks. Also: “If you must
know, I suppose you could say it’s your uniform” reminds me of Sakurai’s grumpy
Smash Bros blog updates.

21:25 – Having planted some flowers, Nook wants me to go say hello to the townspeople. My first stop was to see Tad to try and give him some of the cherries I’d found, but that doesn’t seem to be an option. Can I only sell them? Am I doomed to be a cog in a capitalistic dystopia?!

21:32 – The Post Office is open after 5pm. My sense of disbelief is shattered.

21:47 – Hrm. Not massively enamoured of Nook’s insistence that go and talk to every single resident – surely exploring at my own pace as I go would be part of the appeal?
Oh well, it’s done now, and might be time to head back to my be—er, my floor
before the furry git gives me any more chores.

21:52 – Nook’s proclamation that I have full pockets means another trip home to dump some stuff – I’m a hoarder, what can I say? – and so it’s time to quit. And what a
strange evening it’s been; the town mayor hangs around by the well after the
watershed, I met a duck who only wants me to invite hot guys to the town, and
I’m being extorted by a ring-tailed shyster. Maybe next time I’ll actually find
a bed somewhere!

Goodnight, Twycross.